‘I go to bed hoping I don’t wake up’

By | June 13, 2020

Dear Coleen

As I write this, the tears are flowing. I have been divorced from my ex-wife for a number of years and, although I have siblings, we’ve lost touch with each other. I don’t have anyone I can call on as a friend and I feel lonely and depressed.

I’ve had suicidal tendencies in the past, but I realise it would be wrong to act on these because of the suffering it would bring my remaining small family.

Still, I go to bed sometimes hoping I don’t wake up.

I’ve been a key worker during the pandemic, which has helped me to feel part of a team and I feel good about doing my bit.

However, I’ve been so busy, I haven’t been taking my depression medication. To be honest, the pills don’t work, but doctor’s orders and all that.

I would love to find a companion to share my life with, who shares the same interests, but after several relationships that haven’t worked out, I wouldn’t wish myself on anyone.

Can you advise?

Coleen says

First of all, you are an absolute hero as, despite your personal struggles, you’re still going out there and helping other people during this pandemic. You should be very proud of yourself.

What else could you do in terms of work or social life that would give you the same feeling of being part of something and getting to know other people? I’m very glad you say you wouldn’t act on suicidal thoughts, but I’d urge you to pick up the phone and call the Samaritans when you’re feeling low (call 116 123).

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I think you should speak to your GP about your medication if you don’t feel it’s working, and there might also be the option of being referred for counselling.

You can also get in touch with the mental health charity Mind (mind.org.uk), which has groups across the country, as well as helplines and counselling.

Mirror – Health